Well that was an

eyefull for sure! The strip tease show! It was fully packed of course with screaming women including the seven of us from our year two class! No penises were exposed thank heavens and no one pressured me into having a drink before hand either.:-).So all in all a good night. The girls are all going dancing afterwards but I’ve come back home to my Grey’s Anatomy and hot chocolate before bed:-) Aaa:-). The show? It was okay. Flesh were exposed. Men griped and grind but it didn’t turn me on in the slightest. Maybe there is something wrong with me or the age of the men in the show. All I could think of was the way my Muse looked that day half naked in his trunks painting a farm machinery in his dad’s front garden. Now that. That just makes me want to rip the rest of his clothes off and turn up at his house at 3am with nothing but a dressing gown to show him just what kind of wild animal I could really be. Only he turns me on. Dear  lord I hope he just gives in one day to this wild chemistry between us and invite me over for steak and chips and a look around his green house:-) I’d really love to see his greenhouse:-):-):-)

My co worker invited me over for lunch today and another one dropped by in the afternoon:-). First time ever. But second anniversary of mum’s death and you know what?  I spend the day happy and I think she would have approved. I love you mum. And miss you dearly. Each and every day. Now excuse me while I go back to my hot chocolate and Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t want to miss a thing. And would you believe it’s still a big beautiful moon outside? :-)God bless you all from England:-).

Enjoyed a misty morning….

walk down the lane when I did the school run today:-). Then I popped in my car to join my friend in town for a quick cup of coffee. She’s recently moved house so I followed her back to hers in my car to see where she lived. Quite a nice neighbourhood actually with lots of houses and a corner fish and chips shop. I asked my son if he’d like to move house as nearly all my friends are in that area of town at the moment. But he looked at me and said only  if the next house we move into isn’t attached to anyone else with a bigger room for me! Fat chance I laughed. We’re staying put. Get used to it!:-):-):-).

Did a spot of gardening as well and gathered up all the fallen leaves I’d left from last time. Painted one side of my shed pink and then my sister rang to say one of our close cousins had fallen down the stairs and died! At this rate I’m soon going to have no body left. I was too distraught to answer her so I told her I’d ring her back later after the kids had gone to bed. Makes my heart and head hurt but it’s not worth dwelling on or I’ll have this nervous breakdown that I should have had from 2015. I just wished something positive would happen for a chance. So many deaths. So many unexpected:-(. Can’t cope with them all.

But I live and pray and hope on. Dinner is nearly ready so I’d best get the kids to wash their hands. Green peas with minni beef pies and gravy. It’s not even 5pm and it’s already been getting dark from half hour ago! I’ll upload one of my son’s favourite poems later. From a chilly night some where in England please wrap up warm and have a good night. God bless you.

To my dearest darling Muse

I still struggle to let you go. My arms long to hold you. My lips begged to kiss you. And every piece of me longs to come back home. To you. I see you as you walk by. Near enough to feel you. The heat melting my bones. But never near enough to smell the insides of your collarbone as you hold me close. As we used to. And as I long to still. I’m trying to respect your decision and wishes but I’d like you to know that at any time if you change your mind, you need only unlatch my gate, and come back home. I long to love you. To care for you. To hug you. To caresses you. To keep you. To be with you through thickness and thin. For better or worse. For the highs and the lows. To wrap you in my love and family. Laugh with you. Play with you. Pray for you. Make love to you. Cook for you. From the first momment that I saw you, all I’ve ever wanted was to bring you home.  This heart wasn’t made to hate you or bear grudges or hold a record of wrongs. This heart only wants to press up next to yours on a Sunday morning and go lub dub dub together. There is nothing to forgive. Nothing that can’t be fixed. You are worthy of family and laughter and peace. You are worthy of love. We are worthy of each other. If you still want me that is. Isn’t it time you change your mind and come back home?

I’ll be waiting. Always

Tu amor Candy.

Ps. I pray the whispers of the wind carries this to you today.

Winter reflections…

It’s another wet and cold day in my corner of England:-). The sun flirted briefly with me as I went into the kitchen this morning then dashed shyly behind a cloud of gray! What a tease:-). I dropped the kids off to the village school down the lane then met my friend in town for a quick cup of coffee and catch up. That was nice. I do need to get out more often. But I hate moving from the couch when the weather is like this. I’m still working on my Christmas cross stitch at the moment and trying to complete my Pride and Prejudice novel. The kids got all their hearts for last week(I’ve got them a new reward system at the moment which seems to be working brilliantly) so I told them I’d take them out after school later to pick up their treat.

Hope you’re having a good day too.

Whenever loneliness really bites after the kids go to bed and I’m sitting there wondering what to do with myself and the urge to talk to another living soul is so great that I could easily go into a chat room or one of those dating apps, ( just being brutally honest) I pick up my bible instead. And I put on classical music and read and meditate until I feel at peace again. And the more I do it, the less and less the loneliness even bites or bothers me. But I make sure I make time for friends and connecting with people during the daytime.

I never thought in a million years my life would end up like this. This feeling of isolation. I grew up in a big bustling family and loneliness was never an issue. Even grandparents lived in the same house and not on their own, sometimes three generations in one family. And we\ i loved it:-). And inspite of the residual lingering loneliness in this country, it’s not such a bad life after all if I make the most of it, man or no man, which is what I plan to do. it’s just sometimes when I hear from family members and see their updates on social media I am sharply reminded of my loss like a phantom aching limb. You have to learn how to make the most of your situation wherever you are, however it is and cultivate an attitude of gratitude, joy and expectancy, that things can and willget better. 

Living on my own makes me appreciate each and every person I come into contact with, and has spurred me on to start volunteering again. Its also taught me the importance of seeing the whole person and listening fully as they speak. And also the wisdom of respecting differences, letting go, loving fully and forgiving freely. It has taught me in many instances how to be truly Christ-like and a light for the world. So in all things and whatever season of our lives there’s always a rich and learning experience to be have:-). God bless and keep you always.

 

Feeling cosy inside:-)

Rain drizzling softly outside.

Kids watching cartoons inside.

Me curled up on the sofa, peppermint tea to hand, a copy of Pride and Prejudice hardback in the other.

Waiting for the cat lady to turn up:-) she’s coming to chat to the kids and I first before giving us the green light to rehome a cat from them. It’s sooo exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time. I grew up with a ginger cat and black and white one so can’t wait to see what the kids and I get this time:-).

Will do some afternoon baking with my daughter after she’s left:-). No matter what the weather might be getting up to on the outside this winter…hope you always endeavor to stay warm and cosy in the inside:-) Bless you always from England. Love Candy:-)

 

Did someone say it was

going to get up to 30 degrees Celsius today?! Did that same someone also saw my soul did a cartwheel in the kitchen, somersaulted out of the back door and then proceeded to do a thousand grass angels in the back garden? Yes:-). That happy! 🙂 and when I’m this happy..magic happens. No drugs here. Just high on life and the joy of being alive in a late Indian summertime. Try some. Happy juice:-). Whatever it is. Whatever’s bothering you. Still have a sip. Just a tiny one to start with if you must. You’ll never look at life the same way again!

Have a fab day. Going in search of those local water gardens again on the grounds of a fabulous Elizabethan manor this morning. Have to take my kid along, unless it won’t look legit me running through all the sprinklers getting gloriously wet!!!:-):-). haha. You take care of yourself now. God bless you always.