Well that was an

eyefull for sure! The strip tease show! It was fully packed of course with screaming women including the seven of us from our year two class! No penises were exposed thank heavens and no one pressured me into having a drink before hand either.:-).So all in all a good night. The girls are all going dancing afterwards but I’ve come back home to my Grey’s Anatomy and hot chocolate before bed:-) Aaa:-). The show? It was okay. Flesh were exposed. Men griped and grind but it didn’t turn me on in the slightest. Maybe there is something wrong with me or the age of the men in the show. All I could think of was the way my Muse looked that day half naked in his trunks painting a farm machinery in his dad’s front garden. Now that. That just makes me want to rip the rest of his clothes off and turn up at his house at 3am with nothing but a dressing gown to show him just what kind of wild animal I could really be. Only he turns me on. Dear  lord I hope he just gives in one day to this wild chemistry between us and invite me over for steak and chips and a look around his green house:-) I’d really love to see his greenhouse:-):-):-)

My co worker invited me over for lunch today and another one dropped by in the afternoon:-). First time ever. But second anniversary of mum’s death and you know what?  I spend the day happy and I think she would have approved. I love you mum. And miss you dearly. Each and every day. Now excuse me while I go back to my hot chocolate and Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t want to miss a thing. And would you believe it’s still a big beautiful moon outside? :-)God bless you all from England:-).

To my dearest darling Muse

I still struggle to let you go. My arms long to hold you. My lips begged to kiss you. And every piece of me longs to come back home. To you. I see you as you walk by. Near enough to feel you. The heat melting my bones. But never near enough to smell the insides of your collarbone as you hold me close. As we used to. And as I long to still. I’m trying to respect your decision and wishes but I’d like you to know that at any time if you change your mind, you need only unlatch my gate, and come back home. I long to love you. To care for you. To hug you. To caresses you. To keep you. To be with you through thickness and thin. For better or worse. For the highs and the lows. To wrap you in my love and family. Laugh with you. Play with you. Pray for you. Make love to you. Cook for you. From the first momment that I saw you, all I’ve ever wanted was to bring you home.  This heart wasn’t made to hate you or bear grudges or hold a record of wrongs. This heart only wants to press up next to yours on a Sunday morning and go lub dub dub together. There is nothing to forgive. Nothing that can’t be fixed. You are worthy of family and laughter and peace. You are worthy of love. We are worthy of each other. If you still want me that is. Isn’t it time you change your mind and come back home?

I’ll be waiting. Always

Tu amor Candy.

Ps. I pray the whispers of the wind carries this to you today.

Just finished the school

run in the pouring rain less than an hour ago! I mean coat soaking, youngest daughter under plastic cover in her buggy, glasses so drenched my son is bemusingly guiding us back the way home up the village lane rainfall. Never mind I’d only been suntanning in the back garden an hour before reading my newspaper with my face turned upwards:-). What peculiarity! But that’s the English weather for you! Pajamas and dressing gowns on I admonished with glee as we got in. Hot chocolate coming right up:-). Plus an afternoon movie:-). Hey…any excuse to enjoy a nice autumnal day:-).

And as for my happy juice….go figure but I’m still deliciously, suspiciously stomach relaxing, pores drenching mind tingling happy! I wish I could tell you what happened but I really have no idea. Caught the bug on Wednesday morning and it hasn’t left since. Had a busy day yesterday. Did the school run for another mum who had a poorly child. Then my son’s school had to shut midday because of a burst main water pipe in the village. So I brought home a few more kids home with me. Fed and entertained them all:-) until their dad came to collect them. Picked up the other one from an afternoons school run and took them for nuggets and fries afterwards:-) Quite a day but I enjoyed every minute of it.

I’m deciding whether to get a cat for my birthday coming up or not. One of my colleagues at work has even offered me hers. I got the brochure came through for the introduction agency my friend mentioned but I can’t do it even though I’m lonely and would love a decent male to talk to. I have a lovely male gardener who turns up every two weeks, who’s very reliable and kind and respectful and stops to chat awhile every time he comes, who is very happily married but there’s no one else. I’m very too shy for my own good. Even my ex the kid’s dad is asking me what’s the matter with me if I’m into ladies now! The damn cheek. But the trouble is I won’t even know where to start to meet a decent male nowadays. Someone said to just forget it and he whoever he is will turn up when I least expect it! Hence my cat idea. Think I’ll get a cat to keep me company for now:-):-). I had lots of cats growing up:-).

As for the other matter of my grief….yes I have seen him walk by since then, the love of my life, makes my blood sing the chemistry is so intense, but you can’t force someone to love you if they won’t. And to be honest I’ve shed all the tears I can and made peace with it. I’m a fundamentally happy child by nature and at some point I think my internal clock just went ‘enough of that shit gal’ and reset itself back to happy! So happy I shall be. Although I did wake up with a scripture in my head these past two days ‘ And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus’. Go figure. Maybe it’s God answering my prayers after all to remove all my pain and suffering.

From a soggy patch in England, have a peaceful night as well. Lots of love. Candy.

I just love rainy days:-)

There’s something about waking up to it on a Saturday morning with coffee in hand, music playing, body swaying that puts me in such a good mood. No kids. Unopened newspaper. Long delicious day ahead. Don’t know whether to go out for lunch and a movie or just curl up on the sofa cross stitch in hand, classics on, just watching the heavens open in front of me:-). Aaaa. Decisions. Decisions. Feels autumnal almost. Time to get my slow cooker out soon:-) Smells of beef and ale stew with mini dumplings greeting me as I open the door. Aaa. Let it rain. Let it rain. Let it rain:-). Have a fab day too. Lots of love from a soggy patch in England. God bless:-)

Even the slight ‘nip’

in the air can’t do anything to wreck my mood or adventurous spirit:-). Taking my kids castle hunting this morning. Tried doing so awhile back but the place was waterlog when we got there so time to try again. Another mum is joining me so the more the merrier I say. We can take our picnic baskets and all get lost in a maze together!:-):-):-)

Happy 1st September everyone. Can’t believe summer has slipped back so quickly. Hey not so quickly though. My sunshine quota has not been filled yet!:-) he he. Have a blessed day.