Miss my kids.

Spent a lovely weekend on the sofa but I still miss all the noise  and drama when they’re gone. They’ve had a good weekend at their dad’s apparently… making and decorating cakes. They’ve even sent me the pictures to prove it. But if he thinks I’m getting back with him over a few baking pictures he can think again. He was suppose to propose to his girlfriend the week before Christmas and then on New Year’s Eve but every time he keeps chickening out. If I so much as mentions other man or online profile he gets upset and cross! You just couldn’t make it up! That man has put me off men for life so why would I even want to go there again?! I’m just starting to get over the trauma of everything he put me through for the past twelve years. Those kids were the only best thing to come out of our marriage and if I have to sacrifice ever having another relationship while they are young and vulnerable and growing up, I will.

The lady from Cat’s Protection is going to get back to me this coming week concerning a rescue kitten and I’m going to try and get out abit more socially. I’d love to join a book group or go to a few more poetry, jazz or salsa classes. Couple of the year two mums said that they’ll come with me as well. Don’t get me wrong. I really miss the scent of a man and being hugged and kissed and looking after each other. I sat alone today for all of my meals and it was very lonely in places. But I can’t forge interest where there is none. I can’t force myself to chat to someone when I’m still trying to fall out of love with someone else! Things take time. Life takes time. Online dating is not the answer. Getting out and talking to real life people is more like it. And I plan to keep a smile on my face and a spark as well when I do so:-).

Thanks for being here for me. I’ll just have to find some other way of dealing with my loneliness. It’s not just the elderly that suffer  through it alone. We’ll get there. One day at a time. Goodnight and God bless from England. Love C. Please take care of yourself too.

 

Hope the xmas holidays

was kind to you. Nativity  plays, secret Santas,  Christmas work lunch do and dinner, helping to wrap presents for Lapland so that every inpatient on Christmas day got a gift, visiting friends, gift buying, gift wrapping, remembering love ones…..Yes it’s been quite busy my way lately so I apologise for not writing sooner. My dad died three days before Christmas and my marriage ended around Christmas time so I can be and have been very low recently. I light a candle in the window every morning and evening to remind myself that light shall not be overcome by darkness and that even in the pitchest darkness of our lives there is always light. I light a candle to remember the dead and to remind myself that while i was still alive I had a duty to live my life fully and beautifully for those left behind. I light a candle for hope.

Hope you had a good holiday too.

I took a drive today…

down winding back country lanes with blazing yellow trees in front of me and miles of green farmland all around me. Boxes of apples propped up against people’s houses for free giveaway and brave cyclists in bright coloured colouring feeling the wind in their faces.

I took a drive today after a lazy morning’s sit in at my local garden centre  chatting over cups of coffee with a dear dear friend:-). Gawking over Christmas decorations and  ladies who came to lunch in lavender suits with red hats. All fourteen of them!:-):-):-)

I took a drive away with the sun in my face and a song in my heart and thought to myself’ what a wonderful world!’ aaaaa:-)  Hope you had a fab day too. From a beautiful starry sky somewhere in England (you won’t believe how starry it is outside tonight, absolutely gorgeous) have a good night. Bless you.