Miss my kids.

Spent a lovely weekend on the sofa but I still miss all the noise  and drama when they’re gone. They’ve had a good weekend at their dad’s apparently… making and decorating cakes. They’ve even sent me the pictures to prove it. But if he thinks I’m getting back with him over a few baking pictures he can think again. He was suppose to propose to his girlfriend the week before Christmas and then on New Year’s Eve but every time he keeps chickening out. If I so much as mentions other man or online profile he gets upset and cross! You just couldn’t make it up! That man has put me off men for life so why would I even want to go there again?! I’m just starting to get over the trauma of everything he put me through for the past twelve years. Those kids were the only best thing to come out of our marriage and if I have to sacrifice ever having another relationship while they are young and vulnerable and growing up, I will.

The lady from Cat’s Protection is going to get back to me this coming week concerning a rescue kitten and I’m going to try and get out abit more socially. I’d love to join a book group or go to a few more poetry, jazz or salsa classes. Couple of the year two mums said that they’ll come with me as well. Don’t get me wrong. I really miss the scent of a man and being hugged and kissed and looking after each other. I sat alone today for all of my meals and it was very lonely in places. But I can’t forge interest where there is none. I can’t force myself to chat to someone when I’m still trying to fall out of love with someone else! Things take time. Life takes time. Online dating is not the answer. Getting out and talking to real life people is more like it. And I plan to keep a smile on my face and a spark as well when I do so:-).

Thanks for being here for me. I’ll just have to find some other way of dealing with my loneliness. It’s not just the elderly that suffer  through it alone. We’ll get there. One day at a time. Goodnight and God bless from England. Love C. Please take care of yourself too.

 

Well that was an

eyefull for sure! The strip tease show! It was fully packed of course with screaming women including the seven of us from our year two class! No penises were exposed thank heavens and no one pressured me into having a drink before hand either.:-).So all in all a good night. The girls are all going dancing afterwards but I’ve come back home to my Grey’s Anatomy and hot chocolate before bed:-) Aaa:-). The show? It was okay. Flesh were exposed. Men griped and grind but it didn’t turn me on in the slightest. Maybe there is something wrong with me or the age of the men in the show. All I could think of was the way my Muse looked that day half naked in his trunks painting a farm machinery in his dad’s front garden. Now that. That just makes me want to rip the rest of his clothes off and turn up at his house at 3am with nothing but a dressing gown to show him just what kind of wild animal I could really be. Only he turns me on. Dear  lord I hope he just gives in one day to this wild chemistry between us and invite me over for steak and chips and a look around his green house:-) I’d really love to see his greenhouse:-):-):-)

My co worker invited me over for lunch today and another one dropped by in the afternoon:-). First time ever. But second anniversary of mum’s death and you know what?  I spend the day happy and I think she would have approved. I love you mum. And miss you dearly. Each and every day. Now excuse me while I go back to my hot chocolate and Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t want to miss a thing. And would you believe it’s still a big beautiful moon outside? :-)God bless you all from England:-).

What a beautiful time to be alive. Hello 2017 :-)

“You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle.” Eckhart Tolle Rainbow wallpaper image from Zedge. From Be Present. Compiled by Paulette Motzko January 1st 2017 1:09 […]

via You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing Miracle. Eckhart Tolle  — Totally Inspired Mind

Hope the xmas holidays

was kind to you. Nativity  plays, secret Santas,  Christmas work lunch do and dinner, helping to wrap presents for Lapland so that every inpatient on Christmas day got a gift, visiting friends, gift buying, gift wrapping, remembering love ones…..Yes it’s been quite busy my way lately so I apologise for not writing sooner. My dad died three days before Christmas and my marriage ended around Christmas time so I can be and have been very low recently. I light a candle in the window every morning and evening to remind myself that light shall not be overcome by darkness and that even in the pitchest darkness of our lives there is always light. I light a candle to remember the dead and to remind myself that while i was still alive I had a duty to live my life fully and beautifully for those left behind. I light a candle for hope.

Hope you had a good holiday too.