Spent a lovely weekend on the sofa but I still miss all the noise and drama when they’re gone. They’ve had a good weekend at their dad’s apparently… making and decorating cakes. They’ve even sent me the pictures to prove it. But if he thinks I’m getting back with him over a few baking pictures he can think again. He was suppose to propose to his girlfriend the week before Christmas and then on New Year’s Eve but every time he keeps chickening out. If I so much as mentions other man or online profile he gets upset and cross! You just couldn’t make it up! That man has put me off men for life so why would I even want to go there again?! I’m just starting to get over the trauma of everything he put me through for the past twelve years. Those kids were the only best thing to come out of our marriage and if I have to sacrifice ever having another relationship while they are young and vulnerable and growing up, I will.
The lady from Cat’s Protection is going to get back to me this coming week concerning a rescue kitten and I’m going to try and get out abit more socially. I’d love to join a book group or go to a few more poetry, jazz or salsa classes. Couple of the year two mums said that they’ll come with me as well. Don’t get me wrong. I really miss the scent of a man and being hugged and kissed and looking after each other. I sat alone today for all of my meals and it was very lonely in places. But I can’t forge interest where there is none. I can’t force myself to chat to someone when I’m still trying to fall out of love with someone else! Things take time. Life takes time. Online dating is not the answer. Getting out and talking to real life people is more like it. And I plan to keep a smile on my face and a spark as well when I do so:-).
Thanks for being here for me. I’ll just have to find some other way of dealing with my loneliness. It’s not just the elderly that suffer through it alone. We’ll get there. One day at a time. Goodnight and God bless from England. Love C. Please take care of yourself too.