amazing organ! I feel like someone has driven a stake through mines, dumped it in live coals and ripped its raw skin off but still it goes on beating! And every time a scab has formed I’d catch a glimpse of your car or you and it comes ripping off again. How is it possible to feel so much raw unbridled suffering after so much time has passed? That I could pass out from the grief or never move from my bed again. How could the damn thretcherous thing still believe itself to be inlove with you as well?! Is that why I won’t heal? That scabs won’t form? Because late at night in my visions you still whisper that you love me? That you hold me? That you show me how much I mean to you? But it is only a dream! And when morning awakes from my tear stained pillow I see that it was all an illusion and that I’m sadly and unrequitedly alone. God help me. But I knew this would happen if you ever let me go. The abyss. The darkness. The emptiness where my happiness once sat next to yours.
I never even got a chance to feel your warm body next to mines. That thought alone breaks my heart.